Waiting

Oh the waiting...for ovulation and then for the "two weeks" after ovulation and then it starts over again... . . waiting for two pink lines on a pee stick, and then waiting....9 months later a baby to be placed in my arms...a child to call ME mother. Some moments the dream is so close I can almost grasp it...on the day that I know I ovulated, on the day before I take the pee test...and other days...the day my period arrives, the day I don't get a second line on a pee stick, my spirit is crushed...during these times the dream feels impossible and yet I know that nothing is impossible with God. I want to be a mother and there is nothing I can do to make this happen. God alone has the power to breathe life. . . I know that those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength (Isaiah)...but there are moments when the reality of motherhood seems as ridiculous as winning the lottery or finding the cure to an incurable disease...so powerless over this ....my heart aches, literally sometimes...I've only been trying for ten months...so many before me and now have been trying so much longer, and yet the hurt is very real, the desire is very real...the frustration is very real.

8 days past ovulation

8 days past ovulation...I was stupid I know...and I peed on a stick after I got home from work at about 6pm...a. way way too early to tell and b. not first morning urine..I fall in the category of "willing" a line on the stick...almost to the point of drawing a second line on the stick as if that will automatically make me pregnant.../sigh. God is big. . . one day a time with this and the rest of my life.

Dillusional? Wishful?

I really think I am pregnant. I'm only 7 days past ovulation tho...so I can't even think to get a positive test for a whole week. I prayed today and asked God to give me peace about being pregnant if I was or give me a super un-peace about it if I wasnt....and I just had more peace... I can't explain it but I really think I am pregnant...is that wierd? Maybe this is just the act of a desperate woman...but usually when I want something really bad and God says no I know...I just know...like a few months ago when I had the chemical pregnancy...I just knew. I had dreams about miscarriages it was the wierdest thing. I kept hearing evil voices in my head saying I was going to miscarry. This cycle I keep hearing that this is the cycle for us and we are NOT going to miscarry and we are going to have children from this cycle. Anyways....I'll write here when I find out I am pregnant. Blessed by Jehovah provider of all things.

Praise God ovulation confirmed

Today my temperature rose for the third day in a row...at 97.8 today! Fertility Friend (body temp tracker) confirmed that I ovulated on day 21 of my cycle or rather on Thursday. I am now officially in my "two weeks waiting". We did marital activities within the "window" but not on the day of ovulation. Long story that I acquaint with an unexplainable God thing.

no temp rise yet.

No temp rise yet...hopefully soon...everything has a time and a place...I know...just have to put one foot in front of the other and take it one day a time or a minute at a time...

my poor husband has been terribly sick the last few days...he really wants a baby too or else we would have had a week of abstinence. I can't wait till we don't "have" to do marital activities anymore.

No pain no gain :)

I praise the Lord for the pain in both my ovaries right now and the bloating and I praise Him for my boob pain as well. I know these things are healthy signs of a good ovulation and that and then some healthy twins are what I am praying for this cycle. Blessed be the Lord.

Another positive ovulation Praise God.

Sooo...drum roll.... positive ovulation kit test last night...and again this morning although last night was definitely darker. I am super excited. I have an incredible peace this month/cycle. God is at work. He always is at work...but I very much believe that this month I will get pregnant and stay pregnant this time.

Blessed be Jehovah my provider.