Waiting

Oh the waiting...for ovulation and then for the "two weeks" after ovulation and then it starts over again... . . waiting for two pink lines on a pee stick, and then waiting....9 months later a baby to be placed in my arms...a child to call ME mother. Some moments the dream is so close I can almost grasp it...on the day that I know I ovulated, on the day before I take the pee test...and other days...the day my period arrives, the day I don't get a second line on a pee stick, my spirit is crushed...during these times the dream feels impossible and yet I know that nothing is impossible with God. I want to be a mother and there is nothing I can do to make this happen. God alone has the power to breathe life. . . I know that those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength (Isaiah)...but there are moments when the reality of motherhood seems as ridiculous as winning the lottery or finding the cure to an incurable disease...so powerless over this ....my heart aches, literally sometimes...I've only been trying for ten months...so many before me and now have been trying so much longer, and yet the hurt is very real, the desire is very real...the frustration is very real.