another tempature story

When you want to be pregnant you "read" into every little sign. Yesterday I was nauseous and threw up when we were having a bbq at my parents house. This was 7 days past ovulation...so I thought maybe...if the little eggies had implanted....? :)

Then this morning my temperature was 97.1...which is way above my coverline still...but my temps were from the day after ovulation on... 97.4; 97.5; 97.3;97.8;97.8;97.0;97.3;and then 97.1 I want them to get higher!!!! So this morning I confess I went and looked at women's charts that had declared a positive pregnancy test...and they were all different. This made it sink in for me...we are all different...our bodies..everything. I can 't look at what other women say to uplift me or to worry either. I just need to look to the face of my savior and trust that nothing is impossible with him...not to worry because each day has troubles of its own.

Praise be to the Lord!

Weary

I am amazed at the perseverance of women trying to conceive. I don't know how they find strength each month..trying and trying and trying...

This is my 7 month and I am weary. Waking up at 3:45 each morning to take my temp even on the weekend just to keep with the consistency...the disappointments every month that passes without a child...timing intercourse...the extra aches and pains that come with taking a fertility drug...always trusting that God is in control...sometimes I wish that God would tell me, "Jessica I want you to have kids on x date so you can rest till then." . . . or that he would just bless me with them this cycle and 8.5/9 months later I can enjoy my own children. I am weary. I am defeated. God grant me strength. God bless my tired heart with its desire- my own children.

God is funny :)

Ya know whats crazy... 7ish months ago when we started "trying". . . my husband absolutely did not wants twins. I'd pray every day for twins. . . and he'd give me this glare. Then I started praying he'd be happy if we did have them... today he told me that he'd doesn't care if we have twins he just wants me to be pregnant :) Obviously he'd still prefer one at a time, but thats huge! Aww. What a precious husband I have. . . this being said God has also brought me to that same point where I don't care if I have a boy or a girl ..twins, triplets...singleton or whatever...as long as I get pregnant and have a healthy baby(ies)

Anyways...I was also thinking today of how my grandma, mom, and aunt all had difficulty conceiving. It took my grandma five years to conceive her first, but then she went on to have five kids. My mom had me right away, but struggled with all the pregnancies after. Her mom took des with her so her cervix wouldn't stay closed. . . and my aunt also tried for over four years to conceive her first and then had three healthy kids..

flustrated morning

This morning I feel sad in relation to my fertility... woke up this morning and had another low temp 96.2 ...today is cycle day 14. With the clomid I'm suppose to ovulate by this Sunday...its Thursday. Oh Heavenly father I pray that you bless us with children of our own. I pray that you open my womb and allow us to conceive and give birth to healthy children. Blessed be your name of Jesus! Amen!

I knew that I might have difficulty trying to conceive based on what doctors had said to me when I was younger. . .but in the back of my mind I kept thinking that despite the odds my husband and I would become pregnant on our first cycle trying. I was wrong! What is a little frustrating is that I know God has the power to create life. He alone has this power.

Sometimes I think I just need to pray more and it will happen...but then I read about so many Christian woman who have been trying for 10 years...and I think wow Lord I know that you love them and yet they are still infertile... then I think in ten years if we didn't have biological children I'd be crushed... I have always had a very strong desire to be a mother and I'd be crushed. I know God can change my heart, but I really don't want him to with this... growing up I wanted to be a wife, an attorney, and a mother...I'm a wife and an attorney just waiting on the mother part...

I have a niece and I selfishly just keep thinking why couldn't we have been the one to have a baby...

Then...there are some women who after years of trying conceive only to miscarry or have stillborn children or something terrible... so when I think ok it might happen someday I freak out about these other things... and then wonder how any of us survive or are born...it is such a miracle...God giveth life, God taketh away life....blessed be the Lord! We are all miracles!

God is teaching me that I need to take it one day at a time and not think about the parade of terribles. My own journey is unique and just because good or bad things have happened to other people doesn't mean that good or bad things will happen to me... The Lord has a special plan for my husband and I. I just need to trust that the Lord Jesus knows best.

Temps

Ovulation isn't happening today either. If ovulation occurs with clomid it is suppose to occur 5 to 10 days after one stops taking the clomid pills. This coming Sunday will be 10 days since I stopped taking the pills. I had a bit of cramping today, so maybe... soon? I can only pray!

Also I started temping again about a week ago. I took my temperature one other cycle but threw away the thermometer because my temps were so low...95 sometimes 96 and highest was low 97's. Well...the new thermometer is giving the same kinds of temps...what is wrong with me? Who gets 95.6 as there resting temp?

ovulation kit 3

Sooo no go on the pee again today. Its a wonder how people don't go insane over this trying to get pregnant deal. I don't even need to tell Jeremy the pee stick didn't work. I come downstairs in pjs.

Ovulation kit day 2

It is sort of funny to think about the joy or sorrow peeing on a stick can bring...my husband is precious...he reminded me about the stick tonight...we both want a baby now...I really want two. We will see what God wants hopefully sooner then later. Ovulation isn't soon...the stick was negative tonight.

Ovulation Predictor Kits

Due to the clomid we have to monitor whether ovulation occurred or not...thus this month is the first month we are using ovulation predictor kits... Essentially one pees on a stick in the afternoon or evening to determine whether there is a surge in LH hormones. Today was day 10 of my cycle...and three days after stopping clomid 3 to 7. . . the test was negative. I will be repeating this test every day for the next 10 days or until I get a positive test whatever comes first. I have not been able to ovulate naturally since going off birth control in December 2007. We are praying our first round of clomid is successful. Blessed be the Lord.