Change and Waiting on God's Perfect Timing

Today I am praising God I'm not pregnant...it is soooo hot outside!!! Although I think if I was I'd blow money I don't have on a cheap window ac unit.

Right now is a time of change. . . searching for the perfect job...trusting God to provide for our finances, again. I've also come to a cross roads with my house keeping skills or lack thereof. If I don't get over my issues with this and just do it even if I'm sick or tired or hot...I may never have kids. . . I need to love my husband. I need to work on the last thing God told me to do when I asked for guidance....seek first the kingdom of God and the rest shall be added.... like babies... and a job...etc...

This season of baby showers and pregnancy announcements has been filled with so much grace. Since God's timing isn't today for us I believe that He put so many road blockers in our journey to parenthood that the only conceivable way I'd be pregnant is if he literally zapped a baby into my tummy... my body isn't working quite right, our finances are just not there while I look for work. . . we are going through counseling for various reasons. Knowing that this second isn't the right time makes it easier to go to baby shower after baby shower or see my friend's tummy's get bigger and bigger... The Lord knows what he is doing. He has a perfect plan for our family... sometimes I wish I knew what it was...but then other times I think I'd go crazy with worry if I knew all the trials that would come in my life.

Metformin and other things

Metformin has reduced my appetite significantly. The first day I felt so sick I could barely eat anything. Luckily I have been feeling better since the first day. One day at a time.

Metformin Begins

After my laparscopy I had a dream that I took metformin and it was really helpful. At this point I can't remember any details. I just remember it was a good dream. Well...that dream may become a reality because today a doctor prescribed me metformin. I am going to take 500mg to start out...and each month progressively move up to the maxium dose. Since metformin can make you super sick I am also attempting to eat a low glycemic index diet. (hehe) I actually bought fish this week! I didn't use any coupons :( since I mostly purchased produce.

Ooooh and I actually ate shrimp today. I abhore seafood, but I am trying to be healthy.

I'm not sure what God timing is for our children, but I am excited to try something new.

Red at Last

So...after ten days on provera and a few days after Aunt Flo came to visit...red at last. It seems kind of silly to be excited about having a period, but I am. It has been over 80 days since I had my last period. I am grateful for a fresh start. I still have to wait until October to start fertility meds again due to the vaccine...and that is if I have a new job to pay for it.

I sent my primary care doctor an online message about metformin, a medication taken by women with PCOS to help restore ovulation, lose weight etc...we will see what he says. He has previously been opposed to giving it to me since I do not have insulin resistance.

Right now Jeremy and I are going to counseling for various issues. Please pray for my husband to be able to sort through his hurts and confusion in his heart right now. Please pray for me to love him through this time. Also pray for me to be able to finally start being a good house keeper. I need to love my husband in this way, but for some reason I have an un-natural aversion to cleaning the house. I know noone likes it, but I seem to run further then most to not do it.

God has a plan. He knew that Jeremy and I would be going through some valleys right now and that it would be best for us to just have Him and each other right now. I am grateful for the peace of being childless, but I also look forward to the day when we hold our own children in our arms for the first time and every time after that. Pray for Jeremy and I as we go through counseling for some difficult issues. Pray that God grows us closer to him through this time. . . and continue to pray for God's blessing of children for us in his perfect time.

Another day...without a baby

Another day...weeping womb, longing for someone just out of my grasp, tiny fingers and toes... memories. I'm taking progesterone (provera) to induce my period...having PCOS is getting to me today. I know that despite this setback that my Lord will provide...I just pray it is sooner then later.

Happy 4th

Happy 4th of July...
Many of you don't know that the 4th of July is my second favorite holiday after Christmas. I love the fun, food, friends, family and fireworks. I still remember my grand mother putting two giant sparkles in the air in a V shape singing Victory in Jesus... I love my grandma B.

This year we celebrated the 4th with our community group at Kristian and Bina's place. It was a really fun day. We played games, ate great food. At one point everyone was shaming each other. Bina proposed everyone go around in a group and share what they most appreciated about their spouse. What a great idea! Jeremy is tender and compassionate. Even when I am at my worst he sees the beauty in me and helps me to see it in myself.

This aside...I still need to walk my dogs and eat healthy. I am not any closer to finishing my PCOS books and starting the PCOS diet...maybe by next time I post :)

Below are some highlights of the day.