This is the first "two weeks waiting" I've ever had, that doesn't seem to be slowly crawling by.
I have been in so much pain the last few days my focus has been on NOT being in pain anymore. I usually avoid anything a pregnant women should avoid during my two weeks waiting period. . . including bubble baths. However, my pain the last few days has been so great I had a bath twice. I might even have one tonight. I know the heat can potentially jeopardize a growing baby...but I have not been pregnant in over a year of trying...and if I never get pregnant I can't indefinitely live two weeks a cycle not taking baths, pain killers, drinking caffeine, not eating blue cheese dressing, lunch meat etc... There has to be some balance.
I think ordinarily I'll adhere to my strict two weeks waiting policy...but when taking a bubble bath relieves so much pain, and I'm not sure whether I am pregnant or not...I am going to henceforth take a bubble bath.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Another Friend
Today, Sunday, I learned that yet another of my friends is pregnant. I'm so happy for her. . . even tho my face doesn't show it right now. I broke down and cried, again!
I thought I was beyond crying at pregnancy announcements. This week God has been teaching me to be content with what I do have...to not focus on what I don't have- children. I may never be a mother...I really don't believe that. I really believe that eventually my husband and I will have children...but for now it seems like just a dream.
This week I have been so content with my husband and my dogs. I've let myself become enamored with the joy my two standard poodles have brought into my life. . . but when I read my friends beautiful news my world came crashing down around me.
I want to be the one to share that news, my own news.
I'm not getting my hopes up. We aren't trying any fertility treatments right now. We won't till I get a job. I am not using ovulation kits again until we do start treatments. I kind of know the time frame when I would ovulate if I do. "Trying" is too stressful to do day in and day out. I needed a break, especially since our chances of getting pregnant naturally are smaller then the average person. . . although not impossible.
I have a prescription of clomid in my purse to use after I get my root canal, and after the doctor figures out why I've been so tired and why my back has been hurting so much. I don't want to use it until everything is right...not that timing is ever perfect, and not that God needs a fertility drug. But 100 mg of clomid costs $50 and the doctor visit to get it costs $200...nothing really as far as fertility treatment costs...but more then we can really afford without me having a job.
Hopefully, in a few hours, I will be myself again and will go back to being joyful for what I do have, an amazing husband, beautiful dogs, a house, a car, and most of all a God that has a perfect plan for my life.
I thought I was beyond crying at pregnancy announcements. This week God has been teaching me to be content with what I do have...to not focus on what I don't have- children. I may never be a mother...I really don't believe that. I really believe that eventually my husband and I will have children...but for now it seems like just a dream.
This week I have been so content with my husband and my dogs. I've let myself become enamored with the joy my two standard poodles have brought into my life. . . but when I read my friends beautiful news my world came crashing down around me.
I want to be the one to share that news, my own news.
I'm not getting my hopes up. We aren't trying any fertility treatments right now. We won't till I get a job. I am not using ovulation kits again until we do start treatments. I kind of know the time frame when I would ovulate if I do. "Trying" is too stressful to do day in and day out. I needed a break, especially since our chances of getting pregnant naturally are smaller then the average person. . . although not impossible.
I have a prescription of clomid in my purse to use after I get my root canal, and after the doctor figures out why I've been so tired and why my back has been hurting so much. I don't want to use it until everything is right...not that timing is ever perfect, and not that God needs a fertility drug. But 100 mg of clomid costs $50 and the doctor visit to get it costs $200...nothing really as far as fertility treatment costs...but more then we can really afford without me having a job.
Hopefully, in a few hours, I will be myself again and will go back to being joyful for what I do have, an amazing husband, beautiful dogs, a house, a car, and most of all a God that has a perfect plan for my life.
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